his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
