Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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