Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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