I accidentally burped into my bong.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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