carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
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