Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
