this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
