i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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