I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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