i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
