It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
