jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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