were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize