My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
