I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
