It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
