I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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