she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She needs sedatives and a leash
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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