he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
