I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
