i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
