3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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