My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize