I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You're earring is so big in my mouth
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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