Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize