He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
