I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Randomize