A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Ladies don't puke and tell
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
