I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
