A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
