Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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