but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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