I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize