I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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