He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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