Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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