Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Randomize
