I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
