Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
