He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you will always have a special place in my vag
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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