I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
