I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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