Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
