I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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