if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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