I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
handjob tips. give me some.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
