I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
