I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
