Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Who died my cat blue again?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
