Barsexuality is the new black.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
