I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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