Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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