It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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