Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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