is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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