i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
