I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
