Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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