I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
