I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
