I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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