I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The struggles of a small town man whore
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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