She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
