So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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