I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
