so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
