i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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