sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
