week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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